10/02/2022.
Bits & Pieces # 504.
Bloopers in Literature and Other Stuff…..
This feels a bit weird……starting an edition of Bs & Ps with the knowledge that I am on my own for this one, and, hopefully, quite a few more, is a little disconcerting to say the least. Having Big L lurking in the background, ready to lend a helping hand and to add his creative ‘penny-worth’ to make it look like a half-decent blog, was always very reassuring.
But now? As a solo artist? We shall see.

 Before I start, I would like to thank all of you who have taken the trouble, either by email, telephonically or in person, to encourage me to continue with Bs & Ps in whatever form I decide to produce it. Your good wishes and encouragement mean plenty to this ancient heart and head. So, much appreciation and, as always, my wish is that you will continue to enjoy reading the blog as much as I enjoy creating it. (There was, relevant to what follows, a Freudian slip in that last sentence – I left out the letter ‘e’ in the word ‘creating’. Remember that as you read further.)
I read a lot.
Books. Actual books, where the sound of a turning page, the weight of a book, and the smell of printer’s ink and glue are intoxicating. Not for me the electronic books that we now know as ‘kindle’, which I accept is a very convenient and, for many, a perfectly satisfactory way of enjoying the printed word. For me, tho, the touch and the feel of a proper book is as important as its contents. For the time being, anyway.
As many of you may remember, one of my favourite authors is Australian-born Tony Park, who spends much of his life travelling around and writing adventure stories based mainly in Southern Africa. As far as I am concerned, Tony Park will automatically fill the gap created by the recent passing of Southern Africa’s most prolific and much loved and admired adventure story-teller, Wilbur Smith. “The King is Dead. Long live the King”, as they say. “They”? No idea who “they” were or are………Never mind.
I am halfway thru a Tony Park book called “Last Survivor”, a recent (2020) addition to his already fairly extensive catalogue. This book is a little off-key for me because although it features well-known characters from some of his earlier works, it also features members of the hitherto unknown to me collection of characters that belong to the highly unlikely-named “Pretoria Cycad and Firearms Appreciation Society”. The book deals with the apparent flourishing black market dealing with the illegal trading in Cycads, those palm-like plants that grow in many parts of the world including Southern Africa. Some cycads are very rare, endangered even, hence the high value attached to some species. Not your usual Tony Park fare, but entertaining nevertheless.
But I spotted a very obvious clanger within the text of “Last Survivor”, evidently missed by the publishers and their squadron of editors and sub-editors during the pre-publishing process. In the story, the members of the “PCFAS” as mentioned above, are enjoying a morning brunch in ‘The Bond Café’ in Pretoria, an eatery that has, dotted around the dining area, as part of a backdrop dedicated to Ian Fleming’s super-hero, 007, a lot of James Bond memorabilia, obtained, who knows how (?), from the various sets of the official James Bond movies over the years. Apparently, on one of the walls, there is a very fetching photograph of Daniel Craig emerging from the sea in his blue swimming shorts. Another piece of Bond memorabilia on display is the golden gun as used – and I quote – ‘by actor Christopher Plummer in his role as Bond’s adversary, Francisco Scaramanga in the 1974 movie “The Man with the Golden Gun”’. Now any Bond fan will have spotted the mistake: the actor was Christopher Lee not Christopher Plummer. (Canadian actor, the late Christopher Plummer, was, at the time, still recovering from his saccharine infused portrayal of Captain von Trappe in the blockbuster musical “Sound of Music”.)
To me, that was a very obvious error, missed by all the proof-readers and editors at publishers, Pan MacMillan. It happens. Of course it does. Not often, granted. But it does happen that a wrong word or a misspelt word will be missed by all the proof readers in the world. But it got me wondering – how many other literary bloopers have we missed over the years? As expected, there are many, and I have looked around to find a few of the more interesting and, in some cases, funny bloopers in literature thru the ages.
So here we go…….
In the 1631 edition of the King James Bible, for example, the 7^th Commandment is listed as “Thou shalt commit adultery”. (and, just in case you were wondering, the small word “not” is missing. Seriously??) Subsequently, the printers, Robert Barker and Martin Lucas, not surprisingly, lost the license to print the bible. This edition of the Bible became known in history as “The Wicked Bible”. It is estimated that there are less than a dozen intact copies of this particular edition of the King James Bible still out there. Obviously, today they are all worth a King’s ransom!!! (Pun intended!)
Even the Bard, Will Shakespeare, is guilty of a couple of howlers. One occurs in his play “Julius Caesar”. One of the main characters within the play, Brutus, hears a clock toll and exclaims “Peace!! Count the Clock” – which is odd because tolling clocks, as described by our Will, would not have existed at that time. He was 1000 years too early!!
Daniel Defoe’s classic novel, “Robinson Crusoe” sees Crusoe marooned on a desert island for quite a long time. Early on in the story he strips off all his clothes, swims out to the shipwreck for supplies and ‘fills his pockets with biscuits’. What pockets? He was as naked as a jay-bird!!
Even that doyen of modern sleuth novels, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, got things a little mixed up. In 1887, in his first Sherlock Holmes story, “A Study in Scarlet”, Holmes’ doughty assistant, Dr Watson, makes his appearance as an army man, discharged after suffering a gunshot wound to the shoulder in Afghanistan. In 1890, the next Sherlock Holmes novel, “The Sign of the 4”, is published and we find Dr Watson’s injury has mysteriously moved to his leg. How and under what circumstances this occurred is never made clear.
The 1934 edition of that venerated reference book, “Webster’s Third New International  Dictionary” defines the word “dord” as a word for “Density”. However, they meant to write “D or d”, indicating upper or lower case applicable, as the scientific abbreviation for the word “density”. The mistake was only spotted in 1939. Therefore, for 5 years people around the world accepted the non-word “dord” into their lives.
Coming a little closer to our world, Aussie food stylist Lee Blaylock had a really nasty spellcheck episode in his book, “Pasta Bible”, in which he suggested that chefs season their meals with “salt and freshly ground black people”!! His automatic computer spellcheck corrected the misspelt word “pepper” and out popped “people”. Naturally, the book was withdrawn and reprinted with the correct word in place – but that must have provided a couple of heart-stopping moments for Mr Blaylock!!
Moving on from the formal sector of literature, I then went exploring for other bloopers from publications around the world. Here are a selection that I found mildly amusing, for your edification and amusement:
Misspellings:
I can do any kind of work, even widows.
He was a former nasal hero.
I just love the turbines those Mid-Easterners wear.
Please excuse Rachel for not turning up yesterday. She was in bed with Gramps.
Fly-casting lessons provided for a nominal feel.
Headlines of note:
Queen Mary Having Her Bottom Scraped.
National Hunting Group Targeting Women.
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.
Red Tape Holds Up Bridge.
Bad Word Choices:
My favourite song is “Heaving on a Jet Plane”.
As we plodded through the swamp, swarms of misquotes kept biting us.
I fell into a deep thought when suddenly a big fish struck, breaking my constipation.
Barber shop sign: “During re-modelling we will be shaving you in the rear.
 
And so on and so on……...On to more mundane things.
I had my booster jab last week. Didn’t feel a thing, not at the time nor afterwards, but I felt a little better for having had it. There are many people out there bleating and bellowing for the State of Disaster, at present hanging over South Africa, to be lifted and that all Covid-related restrictions be lifted. I think that the main beef is the mandatory use of the mask when out in public places. Not that I have seen much evidence of mask wearing when I’ve been out and about, except in supermarkets and stores. Uncle Cyril’s State of the Nation address, due to be heard tonight, may touch on the subject. We shall see……
That’s it for this week. Hopefully you have enjoyed this rather plain and unadorned edition of Bs & Ps, a state that may well remain for another couple of weeks as I dip my tentative toes into the uncertain waters of ‘fancy’ blogging.
 
Quote: “They say that a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do and something to hope for.”  Tom Bodett (1955 -): US Author, Voice Actor and Radio Personality.
Take care and be safe out there. Watch out for each other and be sensible regarding the epidemic.
Until next time,
Love and light to you all.
Cheers for now,